What can I say for myself that I haven't said before? I wish I were in someone else's shoes? Someone else that was happier that is. Someone else with more adventures.
Our conversations have become less interesting as time goes on. Our skin has slowly started the process of wrinkling, and though that will take years to really take effect, I still feel the aging in my bones. Lumpy, stumpy, and grumpy. Patience has worn me thin, not literally (I WISH).
I've dedicated myself to witnessing every full moon and praying right underneath it. Not only that but singing songs in the morning and smiling at every passer-by. I'm in the mood to cry, but for good reasons in reality. I'm tired of crying because of boys, or other self-loathing reasons. I'm ready to start crying for birth, life, and even death in certain scenarios. I'm ready for a re-birth, another epiphany, or some self-realization. I don't want to hold onto what I have been holding onto for so damn long. I need to jump off this cliff.
This lady today, that I was checking out (as in her clothes etc.) at work, was laughing hysterically, and smiling the most smiley smile I've ever seen. She had just won 20 bucks on a scratch off, and it made her so ridiculously happy. She said to me "It's twenty more bucks than I have now, and it's the first time I've ever won anything on any of these! I LOVE LIFE! DON'T EVER GIVE UP!" I had to smile, because she was so beautiful in that moment. Maybe I sound cheesy, but it's real. She was genuine, and good, and happy, and just alive for that single moment. I think this is what people strive for most of their lives.
I already know what my home is going to look like. It's going to have a porch that goes around 3/4's of the house, and a backyard with tons of trees, and and maybe two big ones in the front yard. The master bedroom is going to have a one wall with windows that take up it's entire mass. It will have a huge kitchen, and a settled living room. I'll have huge comforters like the ones I have now. I will own only one computer, that will only be used for work and nothing else. There will be a garden somewhere, and two cats, and a big dog.
Yes life does goes by fast.
cat slipperz: i feel good, but not too good, you know what i mean?
Greg: basically you dont feel bad?
cat slipperz: well i mean, i don't feel not bad, but i don't feel bad
cat slipperz: i'm just somewhere in between
cat slipperz: but not so inbetween that i can be like "okay"
Greg: you are in the purgatory of feelings right now
Greg: or are you not even there because purgatory would be "okay".....
cat slipperz: no, i think you are right, i am in purgatory
cat slipperz: cause i mean okay could be under the category of "good"
cat slipperz: cause not bad would go under there
cat slipperz: and okay and not bad are basically synonymous
cat slipperz: cause when someone says not bad they don't exactly mean good or great
cat slipperz: just okay techinically
Greg: i think we just made some quantum sense out of your problem
cat slipperz: yes, i do think progess was made just now
cat slipperz: but i think i just downgraded the progress by spelling progress wrong
Greg: good job
Greg: you set us back 100 im's
cat slipperz: oh fuck
