AMPUTATED~

I can't wait to graduate.

To sever all ties completely.

You disgusting virus.

It's not often you find a Mexican that burns so easily. I don't just mean by the sun either. It's the Mexican women who are known to grieve hard and love even harder. So here I am with this sunburn hardly grieving for reasons I should be. I can't reminisce over what I've lost when I've found something so much better. I was on a trampoline and when I fell on my butt I bounced right back onto my feet. It wasn't hard. It felt almost natural really. I constantly put myself into these circumstances, scenarios in which my heart is only to be torn into two, and I have to decide at which side I am going to mend it on. Most of the time I end up saying "fuck it, let it burn."

I've been trapped in moments of pure bliss. Caged by love and wrapped in passion. Who would've known you'd find this kind of entrapment so early? I'm caught in a spiderweb. It looks delicate, but in reality it's strong and takes a lot of strength to just break it's bounds. I'm tangled, but not in anything else but fingers and words. I'm counting down the days until I can feel at home once again.

The days have been creeping up on me like a heat seeking missile or a blood hound hunting a jack rabbit. I'm just prey. Teenagers are all just prey to the world, or society really. It's really time to grow up. I say that a lot, but there is only a short while until I'm released into the wild.

You're lonely. I'm still crowded. You ask for company. I ask for space. These millions of memories flood my mind with just a song, a smell, a vision of something familiar. All it takes is for something home-like to hit my senses and my brain is paraded with thoughts and feelings that I felt and thought years ago. Singing really loud in cars, long talks in backyards, exploring new alleys to walk down. I miss these things, but I can't say I miss you.

Pulling the moon into the earth

My brain is tangled. It's a muscle and it's tangled. Who would've known, eh? I'm making a trip to Austin May 25th and I couldn't be more happy about it. My greatest plan this weekend was canceled due to my parents not wanting to go to Louisiana. What kind of shit is that? With time I've come to believe in fairy tales, seeing truth in little things like happily ever afters and whatnot. I've made this list of things to do that just never seem to get done. My heart has been shaky and all I want is for it to find that steady rhythm once again. GET A GRIP HEART! I don't lose my balance often and when I do, I'm off by a mile.

For once I've wished for a normal life. This whole routine I've got going isn't sufficing. Or maybe it's me wanting to get a job and graduate already. This isn't easy, what I'm doing. I'm doing absolutely nothing, and it's the hardest thing I've done my entire life. I've kept it up for almost three years and well, it's worn me out. I guess that's what I am. Worn out. Possible internship for a New Jersey music magazine.

I'm still wishin' on 1 a.m.

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