So much has happened in what feels like so little time.
I might be in love again. I don't know. What is love right? Fuck.

The feeling is scary and I've been trying to shake it.

I wonder how people can be content with their lives just sitting in one spot. You're not going anywhere. You're not moving. How can you be okay with this? I don't understand. That seems so morbid to me. You might as well just die and call your life over. This is one of my biggest fears coming into adulthood...that I will just settle for a mundane routined life, because fuck it, everyone else is. 

I also wonder how people are okay with just one person for the rest of their lives. Isn't that boring? Don't you wanna know what other people are like? What so and so has to offer that so and so didn't? 

And wondering these things...what does this make me?

I'm so mad.

I wish I cared LESS. I think I'm too emotional. Or that maybe I get "butt hurt" too easy. He doesn't respond half of the time and my biggest pet peeve with males is being ignored. IGNORED. Adrian used to do it all the time. Ignore me but answer everyone else. It'd make me SO mad. Why am I any less important? Especially if you're making me out to BE that important. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I think I'm done with it. I really think I am. I need to talk to older men. Established... men. Someone more on "my level" as Kelsi says.

Sometimes I like to yell really loud just because I can.

I can't decide if the way I feel is really self inflicted or if it's really the way I feel. It's this process in my mind that goes something like: If I don't feel hurt then that must mean I don't care. I have to care, because if I don't, then I must not be a real human being.

I mean what kind of twisted mental idea is THAT? It's disgusting. I feel disgusting. I'm garbage.

She's always so attracted to people that treat her badly or were never there for her. She'll regret it in the long run. She really will. This is only temporary. I guess I am too. Everything really is if you want to get technical. Life. Love. Children. Everything eventually dies. I think that's the whole "bittersweet" effect of life. You have something ... that's sweet...but then it dies....that's bitter.

He may have been a shitty boyfriend, but he was the only real friend I had. He was honest- which is something so hard to come by in people these days. Maybe honesty wasn't what I always needed to hear from him, but I can appreciate it...no matter how much it hurt. Seems like everyone kind of dies off these days, even the people you thought would be there until you did die. I've always thought I was better off alone, regardless of the fact that I'm a libra and according to that I need constant social encounters. I find that hard to believe. I'd rather be alone than in a room of liars.