Thats not healthy

So I am currently trying out this new thing where I stay up all night on a school night, so I can feel drunk naturally at school. I guess the theory is really going to be tested tomorrow. Right now is just the "put into action" phase.

I guess I feel better than I did earlier. I was down. Now I'm just a little bit pissed. I think I may be tripping over nothing. When I really think about, I do that often. To make up for it, I've eaten about half of my body weight in strawberry ice cream, caramels, diet coke, and sausage kolaches. My goal was to eat the whole pint and a half of strawberry ice cream, but I failed. As if food could save me from myself.

I think I may have a fear of the dark. I ran from the "cucuy" all night. I turned on all the lights in every place that had them and double checked every corner before I walked around them. I didn't want some hairy monster with huge fangs jumping out to get me.

I've always lived by "live fast, die young," because I never wanted to limit myself in the things I could do or enjoy doing. But I've realized, that with the rate that time goes by, I don't want to live fast at all. I'd like to live real real slow and watch everyone else live fast. The one real fear I have, is dying alone. It is kind of common, but then again, it isn't. I want to find someone to die with that I love so deeply and could imagine spending eternity with - that is if I haven't already found him. I think that's too bold of a statement to make yet though.

I've realized that I have found appreciation in simple things like whispy clouds and the sound of seagulls. I want to live on the coast so I can always feel sand between my toes and smell the salt water. I want to always hear the crash of the waves and moans of the sea breeze in the middle of the night. I'm just a starfish that's evolved into this human form. My home is 10,000 underneath the sea.

I could imagine myself anywhere with an open space in all honesty. I've actually been able to imagine what my life should be like in a year from now. Should, or what I want it to be rather. It looks good, and if everything goes according, it should taste good too. I just gotta follow the recipe.

It's becoming harder to keep my eyes open, but my new fascination with feeling absolutely miserable is hard to resist, therefore I must keep my eyes open. Sometimes I really convince myself I am going nuts.